WHY I STARTED A BLOG?
- Gabbi
- Jun 23, 2018
- 6 min read
For a few years now, I’ve considered starting a blog. I almost started one about history to help and explain somewhat complicated events in history that have been often oversimplified. I also wanted to try to dispel some historical misconceptions.

But I kept coming back to the idea of having a blog about my experiences and thoughts. My friends would all encourage me and, finally, I had the confidence to do it. I was convinced that I had something to say and share with the world. I reached out to one of my friends and asked her how to start a blog.
As they say, the rest is history.
I was never quite sure where I would fit in this online community. In all honesty, I’m still not really sure where I fit. I often second-guess an outfit post on Instagram or worry that no one cares about my opinion or wants my advice. But I keep reminding myself to keep doing it because I enjoy sharing my positivity and interests with you.
I try to write with the same inflections that I speak. I’m trying to be as authentically me as I can be. I want my friends to recognize me as much online as they do when we’re chatting in person or on the phone.
Because you, whoever you are reading this, are my friend.
SOCIAL MEDIA + MY SELF-IMAGE
I think that there is one main reason why I started this blog. And it has to do with self-image. Social media’s a crazy place. I’m constantly scrolling through my feeds, looking at snapshots of people’s lives. But I also started comparing myself to what I would see.
I’m always searching for someone that looks like me, so I can better understand how I look to someone else. I’m comparing my shape or my poses to other girls on Instagram constantly.
MY SELF-IMAGE JOURNEY
I’ve always had a strange relationship with the way that I look.
I remember begging my mom to take me to an open call for modeling when I was younger. And I couldn’t believe when she actually took me. I got all dressed up and posed for a couple pictures in a hotel ballroom with people of all ages. I was devastated when I didn’t get called back.
My mom told me she had run into someone working the event, who said that I would have been perfect if my teeth were straighter. So she promised me that we could try again once I had braces. Looking back, I think she might have been saying this to make me feel better.
Growing up, I was athletic for most of my life. It just was something to do and it was time that I got to spend with my friends. So that meant playing volleyball, soccer, softball, and running track from kindergarten until 8th grade.
I started playing volleyball more competitively and, at one time, played for three different teams at once. I only stopped playing volleyball after I didn’t make the JV team my sophomore year of high school. After my mom drove me home, I stayed and cried in the car.
Playing volleyball definitely affected the way my body looked, but I don’t remember worrying too much about it. Sure, the spandex shorts could be super uncomfortable. But I felt like I could play my best when I was wearing my volleyball uniform. I was happy.
I wasn’t thinking about my thighs or butt while running around the court and going to practice almost every day of the week.
But then I stopped playing sports and, for some reason, started thinking more about how I looked. I noticed that I wasn’t proportioned like my friends. My style was a bit different and heavily influenced by my mom, especially since I had to wear a uniform to school every morning until I was in college.
Occasionally, I would pop into my mom’s closet to borrow something. But before too long, her trousers and skirts were too small for me to fit into. I would look at her and wonder why I didn’t look like her. Why was I shaped differently?
I remember my best friend and I downloaded an app and started counting our calories our junior year of high school.
We were convinced this would make us thinner. I only kept up with it for a few weeks, feeling a bit discouraged when nothing changed. After a chat with our biology teacher, we also realized that the app had been suggesting a calorie intake that was way too low.
I continued feeling uneasy about how I looked, but was unsure how to properly change it in a healthy way.
College was even harder. But at least I wasn’t alone in my self-consciousness. It was the first time I didn’t need to wear a uniform. Also, I had gone to an all girls high school, which meant this was the first time in four years that I had classes with guys.

Yet this is also when my friends and I started dating boys and decided to start going to the gym. I didn’t really think much of it. Sure, I wasn’t super happy with the way that I looked, but I also didn’t want to go to the gym. People seemed to like me just fine.
But, finally, the summer before sophomore year, I started going to the gym regularly. Because there wasn’t much for us to do, my two best friends and I went to the gym every weekday at 7am. I didn’t like going to the gym, but it was okay when I was with my friends. Honestly, I didn’t notice that much of a difference.
But then a close friend of mine mentioned that a mutual friend had told her that he noticed that ‘Gabbi had gotten hot over the summer.’ She assured me that this was meant to be a compliment. But it made me feel self-conscious.
Wasn’t I just the same as before? Did I really look that different?
The next major change happened when I dipped into a bout of depression for the majority of my junior, and final, year of college. I had stopped going out on the weekends with my friends and threw myself into my activities and my schoolwork, determined to graduate early.
My final semester, I was taking 21 credits hours (two of those were internships and one was a research project).
I would spend most of my time sleeping whenever I had any free time. My behavior started to worry some of my closest friends, but I kept assuring them I was fine. Especially because I wasn’t quite sure what was wrong.
That’s when I started seeing a therapist regularly. He was a massive help, both to my self-confidence as well as just really accurately seeing myself. He was thoughtful and paid attention to detail (which, as a Virgo, I really appreciated).
MY SELF-IMAGE NOW
My self-image now still isn’t perfect. There are days where I don’t like looking in the mirror and where I just want to wear my leggings and sweatshirt all day. But I’m actively attempting to make an effort to love myself better.
I look back on pictures where I was a bit thinner or more toned, but I remember that I wasn’t happier then. I wasn’t more content with myself. I was happy with myself when I was happy with what I was doing; it wasn’t about what I was wearing or what I looked like.

Taking pictures and creating content for my blog and Instagram sometimes feel like I’m putting myself through immersion therapy. I force myself to look at photos of myself and try not to critique them (even while slightly enhancing the colors with the VSCO app).
I specifically chose these pictures for this blog post because I hated taking them. I initially had a jumper on over my dress. The moment I took it off, I was instantly more uncomfortable. My dress was gapping and I hated the way my arms looked.
But when I showed these pictures to friends, they were commenting on how pretty the yellow dress was and on how happy I looked. I saw flaws, but they saw me.
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I frequently show my friends photos of other girls, asking if we look similar so I can get a better idea of what I look like to other people. But I need to always remember that I am me and it doesn’t matter where I fit or who I look like.
My journey to self-love is only part of my life. Everyone’s had their fair share of struggles; I know that I’ve definitely had mine.
So if I can help at least one person feel better or realize that they’re not alone, I call that a success. And all those times I felt sad will have been worth it. You are absolutely lovely the way that you are. Take care of yourself and love yourself. It’s definitely easier said than done, but start one moment at a time and work toward a more positive you.
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