So recently I graduated from the University of York with a Masters in Medieval Studies, and I moved back to the United States from my beloved York. It’s been a bit hectic, and (to be quite honest) I haven’t felt very inspired to write or post on social media.
This is my somewhat sad attempt at offering an excuse for the relative radio static both on the blog and on Instagram. But what better way to get back into the swing of things stateside than with a new blog post about what I learned during my Masters course.
When people asked me what I would do with a Bachelors in History (and more recently with a Masters in Medieval Studies), I confidently told them that I intended on working with history. I wanted to use the techniques and facts that I had spent semesters memorizing.
It was always strange how Humanities degrees were seen as courses to teach students important skills, such as critical thinking, researching, and writing. (Which, of course, they do.) But as a graduate in History, I wasn’t really expected to use everything that I had been taught.
I was expected to use the skills I had been taught in different ways. Though I found my studies incredibly fruitful, and not just because I now know basic Latin or can somewhat read late medieval manuscripts, I definitely learned a lot more about myself during that year and a half in York.
SO HERE IT IS: WHAT MY MASTERS COURSE (AND MY YEAR AND A HALF ABROAD) HAS TAUGHT ME:
IT’S OKAY TO SLOW DOWN.
I’m used to being busy. In fact, I go a bit mad if there’s nothing for me to do.
I often sat in my flat in York and watched friends and acquaintances from throughout my life graduate and get jobs while I was stressing out about writing another essay or catching up on reading for a seminar. But in a world of social media and where we can track the progress of everyone’s lives so easily, it’s important to not compare yourself with others.
Going to school tends to put your life on hold. And I was fortunate enough to be able to put my life on hold for my studies. Especially since it’s difficult to pursue a steady career while studying, even more so when you’re getting a degree abroad.
Because I had taken a year and a half to get my degree and spent some time figuring out what I wanted, I felt like I was wasting my time or slacking off by taking some time to reacclimatise back to life in the United States.
But I’m constantly having to remind myself that it is important to take time for myself. As much as I want to be busy, I know that it’s better for me to take some time to evaluate and organize my life.
I already jumped immediately from an undergraduate program 310 miles away from my home to a graduate program nearly 4,100 miles away. Taking a few months off before jumping into a career may feel boring, but it might be necessary.
IT’S NEVER TOO LATE TO PURSUE YOUR PASSIONS.
Just because you’re studying doesn’t mean that you should give up your passions. In fact, I think studying might drive you crazy if you do.
When I was younger, I used to draw dresses in my sketch pad and imagined I was some high fashion couture designer.
(Looking back, it was the same silhouette that I drew in different Crayola crayon colors.) But that ‘passion for fashion’ awoke and was only further fueled as I flipped through the glossy fashion magazines that my family often subscribed to.
Through my blog (which started as a hobby and still is something I use to both vent and better understand myself), I have met so many incredible people and gotten to do things that I’d only daydreamed about. I attended shopping events and runway shows, walked in a fashion show, acted as a brand ambassador, did a handful of photoshoots as well as assisted on a fashion photo shoot with Scott Henshall, just to name a few.
And I owe all that to the amazing team at Fashion City York and York Fashion Week, who took a chance on me and allowed me to pursue my passion while studying.
(RESPONSIBLY) SAY YES MORE THAN YOU SAY NO.
This was one of my tips for all graduate students, and I still stand by it.
Graduate school is for learning about yourself as much as it is about honing your skills in whatever you’re studying. It is really easy to get lost in being a student and forgetting to take care of yourself.
Take this time to pursue those passions or to try new things, especially if you’re in a new environment. There are certainly times to hole up in the library and write, but it is also important to create memories and connections with those around you. Sometimes I found it beneficial to stay up all night to finish my reading. Other days, it was better for my mental health to spend the day at a cafe with my friends.
You only get to live your life once, so make sure that you’re living it to the fullest.
I certainly don’t look back on my year and a half abroad with any regrets, especially about spending time with friends instead of reading that one article or spending those few extra hours on an essay.
While it’s important to do more than just study while in school, it is also vital that you make sure not to try and tackle too much. School isn’t about just studying, but don’t let extracurriculars take away too much from the time necessary to prepare for seminars, research, and write essays.
Successfully navigating graduate school is all about balance, which is definitely easier said than done.
I DON’T ENJOY LIVING ALONE.
For the majority of my course, I was living alone in a studio flat in student accommodation in the middle of town. And for the first time in my entire life, I had my own space. You’d think I’d be thrilled, and, at first, I was.
But for the majority of my life, I have shared a room with my sister. We lived in a modest sized house with three children and three adults until I left for undergraduate.
Then I spent three years of undergraduate with various roommates. Even if we weren’t always in the same exact room, they were always within earshot. So I always had someone to talk about my day to or rant to.
While living alone, I missed being able to glance over from my bed and talk through my thoughts or assignments with someone else. I got to learn a lot about myself while living in my own studio flat, and, overall, it was a good experience.
But I also now know that I’m too much of an extrovert to live completely alone. Too much time on my own led me to sleeping through the day, and I honestly can’t remember the last time that I had a decent sleep schedule. (Though I think my former roommate can attest that I’ve always been practically nocturnal. But my sleep schedule was definitely negatively affected when I’d hours without talking to anybody.)
I OFTEN COMPROMISE, EVEN WHEN IT’S TO MY OWN DETRIMENT.
I’m super weird with conflict.
If someone else needs help, I’m willing to argue all day for them. But if it’s my situation, I will attempt to avoid and compromise to avoid an argument. I put my faith in those I imagine should know better, and I hope that they have my best interest at heart whenever we are interacting.
But my natural inclination toward compromising hurt me during my dissertation writing because I didn’t believe in myself enough. Whenever I was questioned (rightfully or not) by supervisors, I buckled under the questions that I couldn’t answer.
Instead of taking these criticisms and taking the time to work through them with a clearer head, I accepted a change that I wasn’t ready for and felt like I was drowning in a dissertation topic that I hadn’t expected to be writing about.
While I ended up enjoying my research, I still cannot help regretting not standing stronger behind my points and my original plan. Or at least trying to make the process more collaborative and less compromising because I thought that doing extra research was less emotional work than arguing.
THERE’S NO TIME OR ROOM FOR TOXIC PEOPLE IN MY LIFE.
My tendency to compromise was an issue in more than just my academic life.
I’d like to think that I’m a rather good judge of character, and that the people that I choose to care about are all good natured. I like to believe the best in people in most circumstances. There are numerous ways that people can be toxic to your life. Their actions could bring out a negative side of you, manipulate your perspective on yourself or a situation, or just be bad for you both.
Cutting toxic people out of your life is incredibly difficult, but necessary for personal growth. This doesn’t mean that you’re giving up on a friend or abandoning the situation because it has gotten difficult. Think of it more as you’re leaving a situation that’s negatively affecting you and your life. You’re taking a break to breathe and recalibrate your own mental, and sometimes physical, health.
Initially, it might feel selfish to put yourself first, especially if this toxic person is a family member or a close friend. But you have to protect yourself before you can support someone else.
As Rupaul always says, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell can you love somebody else?” You can’t take care of others if you aren’t taking care of yourself.
So work toward loving yourself this 2019 and cutting out negativity and toxicity from your life. It’s super scary, so start small if you need to.
WORK ON YOUR OWN TIMELINE.
This certainly relates to one of my previous lessons of knowing it’s okay to take some time for yourself.
It’s so crazy that we often look to our differences to find our own strengths and sense of identity, but also look at those differences as ways that we don’t measure up. I know that I’m certainly guilty of it.
I scroll through my feed and see friends beginning their careers, pursuing further degrees, or traveling to incredible places. But then it’s important to stop and remember what I have accomplished.
Within four years, I’ve graduated from two incredible universities with both a Bachelors and a Masters. I’ve traveled to an extraordinary city and met the most wonderful, inspiring people. I have participated in so many different extracurriculars and learned more and more about myself in the process.
My journey is unlike anyone else because it’s mine. And a good story is not constantly action.
I need to be confident in myself and my abilities and trust that I am capable. And the things that are meant to happen will, just as long as I’m ready and willing to put myself out there and try.
IT ISN’T MEANT TO BE EASY.
I graduated from Loyola University Chicago in three years with a Bachelors of Arts in History. And I only applied to one graduate school because I was certain of what I wanted. I also had anticipated on somehow meeting the perfect PhD supervisor and getting into a programme right after the conclusion of my Masters.
But I truly wasn’t ready for the kind of work that I would be doing for my graduate seminars. Looking back on it, some of the difficulty is definitely influenced by my feelings of imposter syndrome.
In my three years at Loyola, I had gotten comfortable. I was pushing myself, but I was still working within my comfort zone. The city was no longer new to me, and I felt like an integral part of my community within my friend group, my sorority, and the undergraduate history department.
That kind of comfort didn’t immediately follow me when I arrived in York. Though my confidence was definitely high from the moment I stepped off the plane in Manchester.
Yet after a few weeks of seminars and meeting with academics, I didn’t feel that instant connection that I had forged with my professors back in Chicago. When work was difficult, I found myself emailing professors that were across the world rather than forging new relationships with those around me.
There is nothing wrong with reaching out to previous mentors or anything wrong with the academics at the University of York, I just didn’t have the same kind of time to forge my own path and space in a year that I had in my three years at Loyola.
Graduate school is a big deal. It is meant to challenge you and push you right back out of your comfort zone.
Don’t get discouraged because it’s difficult.
LEAVING CAN BE SCARIER THAN ARRIVING.
Getting into graduate school and moving to England was a surprise. I applied relatively late and had to rush to get all my documentation together before classes began.
I took three flights and a train to get to York, and it was an absolute disaster. And, truthfully, it was a bit daunting at times. Here I was, in a country that I had visited for less than a week and going to live in a city that I had never been to before. Not only that, but I was in a Masters programme in a period that I had only really recently started independently researching.
I remember getting into the city around 3 am and having a taxi take me to my student accommodation. I peered out the window at the darkened city centre and I knew that my adventure had only just begun.
It took a little while to really feel comfortable in York, but my love for the city was instantaneous.
I was more heartbroken to leave it than I was when I left the States a year and a half ago to study. I had successfully created an entire life for myself. I was no longer that frightened young woman in the back of a taxi, trudging through airports with her bags and unsure of her place in the world. I had become a part of a community, and I truly felt like I had created a family in York.
And for that, I want to thank everyone in York. Whether you were a passing stranger, an acquaintance, a colleague, or a dear friend, you have forever changed me. And I’ve shed many, many, many tears since leaving York.
Leaving is often scarier than arriving because it often feels like I’ve moved backward in life or that I’ve returned to a life that no longer feels like mine.
My time in York has changed me forever, and I need to work to see my departure from it as an opportunity to bring together who I was before and who I am now. I need to make this life feel more like mine.
Because if I can accomplish all that I did and fall as deeply in love with York as I did within that short year and a half, I can learn to re-love my life here stateside. But just like in York, it may take some time.
HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS.
I’ve always believed that home isn’t always a physical place. (Sounds deep, I know. But blame German for this one since ‘homeland’ and ‘home’ are two very words and feelings. Although it’s rather similar to the differentiation between where are you from and where do you live.)
But to me, it’s more of a feeling.
Home is where you feel comfortable. A place where you feel safe. A place where you can try new things without fear of retaliation or judgement. A place of encouragement where you can foster your talents and share them with those around you. A place where you feel the love of those that you care about most.
Following this description, it’s no longer that I’ve spent so much time in school because I’ve always felt this way in my departments. Whether in Chicago or York, they’ve been my home away from home and my family when I was away from Saint Louis.
I also believe that we leave pieces of ourselves with those that we care about or in special places. This means a large chunk of my heart is still a state away in Chicago and across an ocean in England, and that’s why I’ll always also consider Chicago and York home.
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I hope that the lessons that I learned from my Masters program have brought a nostalgic smile to my fellow former expats who have made their way back across the ocean.
And to not forget all those lovely humans that I left back in York, this post is also a way of thanking you all for these lessons. I wouldn’t be the person I am today without you or the magical city which we all adore so much.
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